THE NOSE, KNOWS

I woke up the next morning and noticed my sniffles were all gone.

Yippee!!! What a relief! And I didn’t feel any soreness around my nose.

I breathed in the morning air and something odd happened. Very odd. I couldn’t smell anything. I furrowed my brows and carried on as if nothing happened because why would there be any sense of alarm.

I planted my two feet firmly on the ground. Still feeling a sense of oddness in the air which I couldn’t smell and then I noticed another odd thing. I couldn’t smell the morning coffee my partner was making as I heard her busy in the kitchen. This lead to my second epiphany.

I couldn’t smell anything at all. She makes the most delicious breakfast. At least maple syrup pancakes in the morning. What about the leftovers from our guests at dinner where I cooked a mean Indo-Fijian meal filled with exotic spices and robust flavours. Not a drop of spice lingering in the air.

Hmm. I pouted.

So I carried on ignoring my intuition and headed to the shower. I dropped my clothes to the floor and quickly glanced in the mirror. Holy F**K! My NOSE!! IT WAS GONE!

As you can imagine when or if one loses his or her nose, which I would assume is rare, you would have an emotion of puke running throughout your entire body which I did. I held myself up at the counter then quickly put on my clothes and scrimmaged around the room looking for my nose.

“Maybe she’s lost in the bed sheets?” Nope, not there. I tore the sheets off the bed looking desperately for my nose, but no nose in site!

“How about under the bed?” Only to find dust bunnies.

“Maybe my jacket pockets inside my wardrobe,” oh have I gone completely mad! If I were a nose, where would I go?!

To the park! No, maybe the food court! Lots of senses there for my nose to revel in!

I grabbed my jacket and was ready to head out the door when my partner ringed me in from the kitchen. “Hun, breakfast is ready,” she called.

“Ahh..in a minute,” Oh what was I to tell her. “I…I got called in for a last minute emergency. Thanks though. I may be running a little late tonight.”

I quickly changed into some decent clothes and headed out the door with my hoodie covered past my brow when I thought – how can I go out in public without a nose! I can’t show my face like this! 

I mean, what does one do in these types of situations. I mildly laughing at my own predicament.

Think Pam, Think.

“Ah ha!” My finger pointed firmly in the air.

I stepped back inside and grabbed my scarf. I wrapped the scarf around the lower portion of my face as if to protect myself from the cold. But it was Spring.

So I grabbed a silk neck shawl instead. Oh, let’s just say it’s fashion. No one will notice! Right? It was all do-able! At the moment it was enough.

I quickly ran down the stairs when I heard.

“You’re back already?”

My shoulders dropped. “No I f-forgot something on my way out…” I replied hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“Well at least give a kiss goodbye like we always do. What’s with you today? You’re acting more strange than usual?”

I turned, “More than usual?” muffled behind a scarf.

“Are you catching a cold…? It’s hot outside.”

“No, I’m feeling rather fashionable today.” How can I give her a kiss goodbye when my scarf was in the way covering my non existing nose!

I quickly gave her a peck through my scarf as she closed her eyes and made a facial grimace to the fabric stuck to her lips. I pinched her nose and headed out to find mine.

“Don’t wait up for me. I don’t know how late I”ll take.”

I drove to the park where there were lots of flowers. I got you nose, I know your weaknesses. But only to find a few friendly people distracting me from my assignment saying hi, I waved back.

I played it well to make it seem like I was just ‘walking around’ admiring the scenery. One woman stopped by and asked, “You seem lost dear. Have you misplaced something? I can tell you lost something important?”

“Just admiring the bees,” I pretended to smell the roses through my scarf of no nose! Luckily she carried on. I mean, how can one say I lost my nose have you seen one lately?!

I headed to the best bakeries in town and my nose was nowhere in sight.

I began to notice I lost my sense of taste as I saw a warm apple pie sitting out on the baker’s shelf with hot vapours steaming off of it which had now lost it’s appeal to me. But there were better things to do at this moment than to eat apple pie.

As you can see dear reader, I ran around town everywhere searching for my nose. From the salty sea waters, to the hottest bakeries, the eateries, the gardens and my nose was no where in sight. Very distraught and with a heavy heart I managed to sit down on a bench overlooking the great blue. I held my head crying noticing where the edges of my tears would have dropped down the corners of nose.

I looked up for a brief moment to take a break from all my crying and there, standing in a hat shop, was my nose. I blinked twice.

How could this be!

How could she! How could she do this to me just get up and leave.

Standing there with a bright orange scarf around her, without a care in the world! Eating … ice cream!

How does a nose even eat ice cream I wondered! And where was she to place her silly hat should she decide to buy one! On the tip of her nose! She needed my ears and face to do this! Surely ears would have more sense than her!

Had she forgotten who she was and how it would make me feel.

Well, let me tell you nose.

You can imagine the infuriating anger and relief I had when I saw her. I wiped my tears and walked straight up to her unsure what to say in the moment but trusting the words would just come out.

“You there! Don’t you run away from me again!” I commanded.

She was so shocked to see me that she had dropped her ice cream and what looked to be chocolate chip mint ice cream for that matter, one of my favourites.

And just as she was getting ready to bolt at my discovery of her I gently held her by the hand and changed my tone to something more warm and inviting.

“We need to talk.”

And then, it began.

The back and forth dance of negotiation. Her feelings of being overworked. Stressed. Feeling tired and sore from all the sneezing she had been put through. The dry cloth, at least use a handkerchief, she begged.

And to re-moisturize, lotion. Use lotion. Maybe lavender scented if I could. Not just once a day. Twice. Maybe three times she demanded! And the cats. Try not to put her too close to one until my allergies go away.

Of course I let her know that the sneezing was unintentional. It was as much her as it was me. But blaming wasn’t going to help either of us.

I let her know that moving forward I would take all necessary precautions to get rid of any allergies. And most importantly, that this time, it would be different.

We paused for what seemed like eternity.

She was free to go if she wanted too.

Was she coming back or had she had enough?

You will be pleased to know dear friend, I sit here today with a hot cup of tea between my hands smelling the freshly cut flowers from the market and taking in the scent of Earl Grey Tea.

Her favourite.